WELCOME TO THE FAIR THIS WEEK:

Yes, this week surpasses a roller coaster, or a wheel of fortune: It is an event on another level, with laughter, tears, screams, laughter, illusions, dreams...

Sit back, buckle up, adjust your safety features, breathe, and prepare for this colorful, multifaceted ride that has been this week.

Let's start with the "body tunnel". I was waiting for them to do the PET-CT study, which is something super interesting, since it is the combination of a contrast tomography together with a molecular scan to create a kind of 3D image of each corner of the body, they inject you with a low-frequency radioactive element, it is accompanied by a glucose element that acts as a bait for cancer cells and thus has a better idea of ​​the stage in which I am.

I wrote the details of this experience in a separate note (I'll post it later).

We continue with "the world of illusion." The doctor who performs the analysis and gives the results of this is extremely nice: she called me so that I could be calm, since no traces of cancer were found.

So I made my own interpretation of what this meant, I generated a series of unrealistic expectations that led me to think that I would no longer have surgery and that if I had chemo it would be like 3 (where did I get this from?... Ha ha ha)

Well, there I am, celebrating in advance the incomplete information.

Now, we take a "free fall" trip. When I see my doctor, he obviously gives me the good news, but my expectation suddenly fell, along with my smile: When he continues, what proceeds is a surgery to do a complete hysterectomy with oncological intervention, which later due to the type of cancer and the cells that make it up (extremely aggressive), we will continue with 6 sessions of chemotherapy…

I asked for time to vent my disappointment and digest the response.

Meanwhile, my mother clarified her doubts.

Then I continued with a series of questions that I had prepared in a different scenario and added others that were from the current situation.

When I left there, I knew that I needed to be focused with my energy, talking to my body and alone... I went for a walk in the Tlalpan forest and what I saw was a forest extremely different from a couple of weeks ago that was arid, dry, sad. ...contrary to that moment -thanks to the rains- it was green, full of life, humidity, wonderful smells and I thought how this cycle of life, of almost death, allows us to flourish and revive even more strongly.

Gratitude ran through every corner of my body for the moment, to be alive and to have a doctor who takes care of me, understands me, listens and that yes: there is no gentle way to get through this, but there are ways to get out alive... because everything is very on time!

I continued to grow that strength, or so I thought...

By the time I got down, one of the people close to me shared her opinion that she is valuable, however, maybe she wasn't valuable at the right time (or probably she was, although I didn't know how to handle it).

It is worth mentioning that being in my center is not easy at all, except when expectations have fallen, because not only is it the scenario of what has to be faced, but we add that I am completely outside of what my environment is, the forms and customs that I created until a couple of months ago when I arrived with anemia.

The joke is that, all the security that I thought I had built, reality showed me that no, that they were just decks that on the first try: they collapsed and I, with them. I still can't generate that separation of an opinion where I get hooked on doubt and I can't enter into this with doubts! ...after that, it was very difficult for me to even connect with myself.

But things happen for a reason, the next day I knew that I needed to connect with myself and by asking, create that space: everything, little by little, began to make sense without forcing it.

I already knew I had two clear questions. Additionally, I was able to make an appointment with the doctor who will perform the following surgery, so I took the opportunity to clarify any doubts:

1- the effects of chemo, I already know what they are and that each body can react differently, more or less exhausted, etc. That obviously scares me, but I also believe as they say “there are no free lunches” and if I want to gain a little more time with quality of life, then that is the price.

By the way, the doc mentioned to me that because it is ovarian cancer, it is one of the most complicated to survive, coupled with the type of cells, it becomes one of the most aggressive cancers, but since I am on time, that is why the scenario looks in my favor and the protocol will be to support me in this.

Now, the issue with these cells and where they originated is that they can spread silently or almost imperceptibly in other organs and the organs can be damaged by the cells that alter their function, which would lead to a deteriorating life and therefore That is why chemotherapies must be done so that these cells - which have already found how to deceive my body in order to live-, are eliminated.

Chemotherapy causes more side effects at the time and the possibility of having sequelae can happen in isolated cases...

The majority have a bad time, very bad or moderately bad -at the time of chemo-, but when the effect is added up and good, it depends on several factors.

But not treating the cancer can lead to a gradual deterioration due to the invasion of these cells, which I repeat, are quite aggressive... so: Today I really built that internal and external strength in the decision, the commitment to a treatment that is made with the goal of having a quality of life...after paying the price for it.

Now yes, doubts clarified!

And by the way, I asked that my decision be respected, because my commitment, mood, how I interpret this path to follow, also causes an effect on the effects of the treatment on my body.

I have already been through very, very strong things. Let's see how my body reacts.

Finally, let's go to another section of the fair in my journey with this thing... haha

Let's get on the "unexpected trip" cart...

It turns out that yesterday, I was looking forward to going to my island, even for a few days before the surgery... but the costs were high, there were many expenses and the hope disappeared immediately.

Well, then I begin to investigate the procedures and requirements to enter an institution for surgery with the doctor who will continue and who works at said institution: perinatology. I am reviewing and, like every institution: it has its strict protocols and since they must do a complete socio-economic study, part of it is to demonstrate different issues in the area where I live: proof of address, proving that I am single before the civil judge of my municipality , plus certain documents that I have in my house in Cozumel..

So

It turns out that a ticket was found at a more decent cost and a couple of hours ago, they sponsored my round trip ticket!!… I can't believe it!!

Obviously I will go to do some paperwork, but I will also be squeezing out time that I can make the most of to be with the people I love and who are there:

my boyfriend, mint, my friends who are becoming my family... in addition to being very grateful for this life that is adjusting itself to take me along a winding path but with these beautiful gifts of situations, solutions, wonderful people who are sometimes supporting me. Not how I would like it, but how I require it.

WOHOOOO!!

...this is how the chapter of the fair of life ends by today:

I hope you enjoyed the trip and see you next time!

Oh but first...

Don't forget to give yourself a moment for yourself today, to connect with the deepest part of yourself.

Thank you for accompanying me, for being by my side.

I love you

Vane